It can be truly obnoxious to have an impossible dream. As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be famous. Either actress or singer, it never mattered; I just knew I wanted to be in the spotlight. I wanted to schmooze with celebrities and makeout with hot guys. I suppose the money never even entered my fantasy. I think I would even settle for being friends with a celebrity. The main flaw with this is I have no means of "making it." At this point, I'm beyond too old to break into the industry. Oh, and that oh so teeny detail that I'm actually not at all trained in acting and haven't had a voice lesson in 5 years. I am not nearly attractive enough, and I have no way of experiencing that "right-place, right-time" scenario. It is as I stated: an obnoxious, futile fantasy.
I should be content with what I have: I'm good at what I do for the most part. I'm happily married, and have two beautiful, four-legged "children." So why is it that every time I watch a movie, I can't help but wish I was a part of it? At times, I can't even enjoy the movie because I end up daydreaming that I will be in a remake, sequel, or just star in a new movie with one of the actors/actresses. Why can't I just be happy with the way my fate has played out? Why do I have this inane need to be a part of something that will NEVER happen? Ugh.
I suppose one day I'll get over it. Maybe not. I think the only certainty in this is that it will not happen. My name will never be in lights; no pictures will be taken of me on any red carpet; there will be no naked, golden men on my mantel. I just have to remind myself : les rêves sont inutiles.
24 May, 2009
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