Well, it's 1am, and I planned on being up at 6. I can't fall asleep. Today, we found out that there is no way we'll be getting a house anytime soon. We are in a stupid situation where we can't get a mortgage because the business car and Dave's car (paid by the business) are in his name, that damn rental property (while it has a clear history of being rented for the last 6 years), and our current mortgage. Until we can get rid of some of those assets, we won't be eligible for a new loan. We couldn't sell this house if we wanted to because they just aren't selling. I don't even think we can realistically list it until we move out because of the dogs.
I hate this feeling of stagnation. Dave can look at it and say "we have a nice house" or "we're better off than most people," but I don't see it that way. I see it as "we live in white-trash-ville" and "why the fuck did I decide to not save any money when I was younger?" If I had saved money then, I could have spent more time in France and then have gotten a better paying teaching job. I know I should just be pleased that I have a job, but I can't help but think that I am a failure. I can't envision myself raising a child in this place, but at the rate things are looking financially, our first child will be born when we live here, unless I decide to wait till 30- and that's not happening.
I just can't help but feel regret for some of the decisions I've made in my life. Too many "what-ifs" floating around. I have to find a way to get out of this mess. I need to find a way to make more money so we can get a damn house and move on with our lives. But how?
