Merde

Well, it's 1am, and I planned on being up at 6. I can't fall asleep. Today, we found out that there is no way we'll be getting a house anytime soon. We are in a stupid situation where we can't get a mortgage because the business car and Dave's car (paid by the business) are in his name, that damn rental property (while it has a clear history of being rented for the last 6 years), and our current mortgage. Until we can get rid of some of those assets, we won't be eligible for a new loan. We couldn't sell this house if we wanted to because they just aren't selling. I don't even think we can realistically list it until we move out because of the dogs.

I hate this feeling of stagnation. Dave can look at it and say "we have a nice house" or "we're better off than most people," but I don't see it that way. I see it as "we live in white-trash-ville" and "why the fuck did I decide to not save any money when I was younger?" If I had saved money then, I could have spent more time in France and then have gotten a better paying teaching job. I know I should just be pleased that I have a job, but I can't help but think that I am a failure. I can't envision myself raising a child in this place, but at the rate things are looking financially, our first child will be born when we live here, unless I decide to wait till 30- and that's not happening.

I just can't help but feel regret for some of the decisions I've made in my life. Too many "what-ifs" floating around. I have to find a way to get out of this mess. I need to find a way to make more money so we can get a damn house and move on with our lives. But how?

Il y a beaucoup de choses à faire!

I think people really underestimate the job of a teacher. Most people think it is all about short hours and summers off. While I am just as happy as my 7th graders to be out of the school building, I am far from off this summer. Basically the next 7 weeks will be dedicated to revamping every aspect of my classroom. As a first year teacher, I found myself to be a failure in many aspects; they say you suck until about year 4 or 5, so I'm on par and not too worried.

1) Organization- I was really lacking in this department. I thought I had everything worked out- as I assume most teachers do- and found that most of my procedures had fallen by the wayside. I only have one class set of books to be shared with 3 classes of students. Although I thought I had made the signing-out procedure clear, I finished the year with three books missing a week after I had located all of them. I have some ideas for aleiviating this next year but still need to work out the kinks.

I started out the year with a class binder, but didn't keep up with it. I found some great suggestions in Fred Jones' Tools for Teaching book and on the blog http://misscalculate.blogger.com/ so I think this will be better next year. I also found some cool templates when I downloaded Microsofts Learning Essentials that should help me be more organized too.

I still need more suggestions for turn-in bins and picking up work, not to mention how spoiled I was with grading last year. I had a TA, and next year I won't which means organization will be the key to my sanity.

2) Classroom Procedures- This is where I am stuck. I really benefitted from having my students do warm-ups last year, but without a TA, I don't know how I'll get them graded along with the classwork I assign. I need to crack down on many of my procedures next year- like book sign-outs, pen/pencil borrowing, and when it is appropriate to ask certain questions (leaving the room, etc.)

3) lesson plans- I need to revamp my units. I got a lot of good suggestions from my high schoolers about what helps them learn, so I just need to find a way to implement these ideas. Not to mention I have to create units for two classes- French 2 and my middle school French/Francophone culture elective. The latter hopefully will be the most fun, but I know it will be the most work, as I am working from scratch and have no text or outline to work from. We'll see how this goes.

As the summer progresses, hopefully, I'll be able to add in some suggestions that I find, and maybe someone will actually start reading this and people will be able to respond with questions and/or suggestions as they see fit.

Now I'm off to my French class, so I don't lose what I rarely use- Grown-up French!

Au revoir!

les sentiments et les besoins

Feelings and needs.... that is the core philosophy behind our discipline program. The thinking is if we can get students to verbalize the feelings behind their misbehavior and the things they need to alleviate the problems, students will not act out. Yeah, so when I have a student whom I feel has made it a personal goal to ruin me daily, I am not really inclined to discuss feelings and needs. For some students, this practice is essential and works incredibly well, but for the 13-15 age group, not so much. They are far too cool for such frivolities as recognizing the feelings and needs of their peers and teachers. Like trying to resist the Borg, it is a futile pursuit. Sure, when you do it, they may play along, but will they carry this new found information with them out the door? almost never.

What else can be done? Only the one method is approved; there is no alternative practice. How does a first year teacher garner the respect needed to prevent this from happening? I have no issues with my older students. It's the young secondary crowd that are my constant adversary. What to do... I suppose I should just continue my countdown... less that 9 days remaining.

Les rêves sont inutiles

It can be truly obnoxious to have an impossible dream. As long as I can remember, I have wanted to be famous. Either actress or singer, it never mattered; I just knew I wanted to be in the spotlight. I wanted to schmooze with celebrities and makeout with hot guys. I suppose the money never even entered my fantasy. I think I would even settle for being friends with a celebrity. The main flaw with this is I have no means of "making it." At this point, I'm beyond too old to break into the industry. Oh, and that oh so teeny detail that I'm actually not at all trained in acting and haven't had a voice lesson in 5 years. I am not nearly attractive enough, and I have no way of experiencing that "right-place, right-time" scenario. It is as I stated: an obnoxious, futile fantasy.

I should be content with what I have: I'm good at what I do for the most part. I'm happily married, and have two beautiful, four-legged "children." So why is it that every time I watch a movie, I can't help but wish I was a part of it? At times, I can't even enjoy the movie because I end up daydreaming that I will be in a remake, sequel, or just star in a new movie with one of the actors/actresses. Why can't I just be happy with the way my fate has played out? Why do I have this inane need to be a part of something that will NEVER happen? Ugh.

I suppose one day I'll get over it. Maybe not. I think the only certainty in this is that it will not happen. My name will never be in lights; no pictures will be taken of me on any red carpet; there will be no naked, golden men on my mantel. I just have to remind myself : les rêves sont inutiles.

J'aime les jours comme ça!

Today was one of those great days, that remind me why I got into this crazy business in the first place. First of all, I was missing 10 kids in my first class (there will be a future entry regarding truancy) which made it incredibly laid-back and effective. Other classes just seemed to be clicking. Many of my high schoolers would refrain from asking questions when they didn't get something, but today they not only were asking questions, but they were UNDERSTANDING! C'est une miracle! My other middle school class went smoothly, and I found out that one of my 6th graders appreciates my ability to make a "freaky language cool to learn."

I got caught up on all my work; I had no behavior issues with anyone; The time flew by. All in all, today was a good day. No ranting necessary.

J'en ai assez!

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, parents and students actually cared about their grades. There was this long held tradition that failing is bad, but it was usually the student's fault if such a travesty occurred. All the parents in the land told their children they needed to be responsible for their work and no one would do it for them.

Fairy tale land is such a happy place, non?

Unfortunately, I do not live in fairy tale land, nor do I work there. I am stuck in reality. I am surrounded by students who have little or no motivation to lift a finger to do work, and they are coddled by parents who thought their mommies and daddies were meanie-heads and promised themselves they would never be that way with their precious angels. Newsflash: your "precious angel" is a dumbass. And to make matters worse, you are helping them dig their own graves of mediocrity and/or failure. It should not be MY responsibility to make 40 extra handouts because your child is incapable of holding on to the one I gave him when the paper was first assigned. There are these magical things called "folders" in which we can put a variety of papers for safe keeping. There is also this apparatus called a "backpack" which is designed for easy transporation of materials from one location to the next. That's right, folks: my students don't even own bookbags. I don't know if it's a matter of affordability, or if it goes back to the aforementioned issue of apathy and laziness. Why on Earth would students ever need to transport assignments from school to home?

This rant is drawn from an incident that occured today. I have a student in one of my classes who, along with his mother, make me want to commit horrific acts of violence. He has a love of socializing and a disdain for actually being productive in any way. It is a truly rare day when I see him have a piece of paper on his desk, let alone any writing on it. It appears to me that he simply chooses not to work. He loses everything he is given, and his mother constantly pesters me to make extra copies, e-mail this, send that home. TEACH YOUR CHILD!!!! Stop giving him excuses, stop giving him an out. If he can't handle holding on to a worksheet, especially one he could have finished in class, then he FAILS! The even more obnoixious part is when he actually turns the work in, it's crap. It's a joke. He half-asses every assignment, so when you point value it out, it's almost the equivalent of not having done anything at all. For the love of God, save a tree.

The middle school as a whole is similarly coddled; every week, middle school students get a "missing assignment sheet." What this means is any student can choose not to do an assignment for a whole week, and then turn it in the for full credit. If you turn it in after missing assignment day(Thursday), they get 75% credit, the Monday after gets 50%. What then is the motivation for doing ANYTHING at all? They will simply get a second chance. Aren't we supposed to be preparing our students for the "real world?" Last time I checked, if I didn't get my lesson plans finished, I don't get an extra week to get them done. I don't get to just sit at the front of the room and doodle on a piece of paper. Even someone at McDonald's can't just not do their work for a week-- no one wants a 5 day old hamburger. Aren't we just hindering them? If this a view of the future of the country, I think I may have to pack up and move.

L'introduction

I had this idea that I should start a blog. Why? I suppose in part because I tend to bottle up my feelings and stress, and I figured this could be an appropriate outlet. Like most people, I have a job that sticks me on an emotional teeter-totter; some days, I feel on top of the world, while others leave me scanning ads on monster.com. I plan on using this as an escape-- from work, from family, from thinking. I may write about the shitty things that seventh graders do on a daily basis, or I may jot down my thoughts on the latest audiobook I listened to on my hour long drive to work. I don't have a plan for where I am going with this, just that I'd like to give it a try.

For anyone actually reading this, who is not a member of my immediate family or a close friend, I will give you a brief overview of myself:
As the title suggests, I am a French teacher: grades 6 through 10 at a charter school (save your complaining about charter schools- I value food and shelter far more than union solidarity) in an under privledged city in the far reaching suburbs of Detroit. I am married, and at this time, my only children have four legs. I live for useless pop trivia. I love movies and television, resulting in a plethora of knowledge in a field that has no utility. I have always loved reading, and read everything from classic literature to mindless fiction. I sing regularly, whether it's welcomed or not, and I love acting, though there has been no time in recent years for me to perform in anything. I have been a gymnastics coach for about 8 years and still work out from time to time. I love traveling, particularly in France (obviously).

I appreciate any valuable time you have wasted while reading this, and perhaps you will waste more on a regular basis. I'll do my best to remain interesting. I bid you adieu for now, but will return again soon.